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In the late nineteenth century, the popularity of cycling prompted a series of medicalised warnings, particularly for women. Among these was "bicycle face": a "nervous condition" attributed to a constant state of stress from attempting to balance a bicycle combined with prolonged facial grimacing, which was believed to result in nervous exhaustion and facial disfigurement. In New Zealand, media coverage peaked between 1895 and 1897, framing it as a threat to women's health, beauty and morals. Related conditions included "cyclemania", "bicycle stoop", "bicycle hump", "bicycle walk" and "bicycle heart". These designations reflected gender norms and anxieties over female independence, rather than medical evidence. The episode mirrors a broader historical pattern in which emerging technologies have triggered dubious health fears which parallel contemporary concerns over the safety of mobile phones, 5G towers and wind turbines. The authors explore the cultural and medical construction of "bicycle face" during the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, showing how a small number of rogue physicians used the media to amplify unfounded fears, implanting them into the public consciousness. The historical tendency for health practitioners to superimpose prevailing attitudes and beliefs onto health risks linked to new technologies highlights the need for evidence-based evaluations and vigilance against allowing cultural anxieties to masquerade as novel medical conditions.